{"id":367,"date":"2019-07-07T21:32:12","date_gmt":"2019-07-07T21:32:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/i2aa.com\/?p=367"},"modified":"2019-07-07T21:39:24","modified_gmt":"2019-07-07T21:39:24","slug":"difficult-relationships-at-work-dont-get-caught-in-the-personality-trap","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/i2aa.com\/difficult-relationships-at-work-dont-get-caught-in-the-personality-trap\/","title":{"rendered":"Difficult Relationships at Work &#8211; Don&#8217;t Get Caught in the Personality Trap"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<ul><li>\u201cHe is so difficult \u2013 impossible to work with.\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cShe is so perfectionistic \u2013 there is no pleasing her.\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cI have two SVPs who simply can\u2019t get along.\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cHe has such a bad attitude \u2013 negative about everything.\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cThose folks in IT\/Procurement\/Contracting [name the department] are just difficult\/lazy [name the character defect].&#8221;<\/li><li>\u201cShe undermines every change we try to make.\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>How many times have you had similar complaints about your peers, boss or other stakeholders?&nbsp;It is frustrating and demoralizing to feel thwarted by colleagues who \u201cget in the way\u201d much less, collaborate. As leaders, too much time is often diverted trying to facilitate relationships between team members who seem to be constantly in conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In these situations, it is easy to default to the \u201cpersonality trap.\u201d&nbsp; Organizations spend millions of dollars on workshops and tools designed to help us diagnose our workplace personalities.&nbsp; We take \u201ctests\u201d to determine our type, color, number, etc. The thinking is that once we know our \u201ccategories\u201d, it will explain our difficulties and prescribe methods for dealing with difficult relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Admittedly this approach has a certain appeal.&nbsp; Many people love these exercises &#8211; including me. They are fun to do and are good conversation starters. As a psychologist, my training included use of personality assessment tools and I hold certifications to use several of the more popular ones. And the ones that&nbsp;are scientifically validated have value in certain circumstances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But focusing on personality workshops as a method of solving relationship problems can have significant limitations.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>After we leave the workshop it is difficult to put the information to use. We leave energized but usually return to our habitual patterns of interacting. An IT executive I interviewed recently was quite disappointed that the day after a leadership team workshop \u201csomeone approached me exactly how I said I shouldn\u2019t be approached!\u201d (which left me wondering what changes he had made in how he approaches colleagues.)<\/li><li>Personality workshops do not take into account how organizational structure and processes can set up conflict. The problem may not be the personalities. Lack of clarity about roles, responsibilities, accountability, and procedures are often at the root.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Three situations I encountered recently &#8211; none of which would be resolved through personality workshops:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>A VP of Sales whose mandate is to get products out the door feeling stymied by the VP of Service who cannot provide the necessary support.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Two VPs who are responsible for communication \u2013 one who manages the President\u2019s messaging, the other manages corporate political communications and lobbying \u2013 feeling undermined by each other.<\/li><li>A seriously under resourced IT department seen by everyone in the organization as impossible to deal with.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, when personalities are seen as the problem, well-intentioned others (including busy executives) attempt to act as go-betweens, translating communications from one to the other. This perpetuates the situation, drains resources, and does not hold people accountable for their behavior.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So when you are part of what feels like a personality clash or are drawn into trying to referee one, be curious about the actors\u2019 situation &#8211;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>What position do they have in the organization?&nbsp;<\/li><li>What are they responsible for accomplishing?<\/li><li>Who are their stakeholders and to whom are they accountable?<\/li><li>What resources do they have and what limitations are placed on them?<\/li><li>How does what you do in your role impact their ability to accomplish their goals?&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>When each person understands the answer to these questions, it often becomes clear that the conflict isn\u2019t between difficult personalities at all and energy is better spent on improving communication, identifying common interests and realigning processes and roles to meet mutual goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><br><em>If you are interested in how you might apply these concepts and&nbsp;other psychologically informed principles to solving the seemingly intractable problems in your organization, please contact me at&nbsp;<a href=\"mailto:joanne.irving@i2aa.com\">joanne.irving@i2aa.com<\/a>&nbsp;or (301) 943-3074.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i2aa.com\/about-i2aa\/\">Learn more about Joanne<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i2aa.com\/\">Learn more about our Services<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cHe is so difficult \u2013 impossible to work with.\u201d \u201cShe is so perfectionistic \u2013 there is no pleasing her.\u201d \u201cI have two SVPs who simply can\u2019t get along.\u201d \u201cHe has such a bad attitude \u2013 negative about everything.\u201d \u201cThose folks in IT\/Procurement\/Contracting [name the department] are just difficult\/lazy [name the character defect].&#8221; \u201cShe undermines every&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":370,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,9,38],"tags":[26],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Difficult Relationships at Work - Don&#039;t Get Caught in the Personality Trap - Insight2Action Advisory<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Organizations spend millions of dollars on workshops and tools designed to help us diagnose our workplace personalities. We take \u201ctests\u201d to determine our type, color, number, etc.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/i2aa.com\/difficult-relationships-at-work-dont-get-caught-in-the-personality-trap\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Difficult Relationships at Work - Don&#039;t Get Caught in the Personality Trap - Insight2Action Advisory\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Organizations spend millions of dollars on workshops and tools designed to help us diagnose our workplace personalities. 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